Smoking Is Bad
by Sailor Billion Dollar Princess
Summary: Anoher Rey Mysterio fic. Mysterio has started to smoke again. Everyone and their pet bunnies is trying to help him to quit again
1. Caught In the Act

Title: Caught In the Act  
Author: Sailor Billion Dollar Princess  
Distribution: Ask me first  
Disclaimer: I don't crap. Only the cigarette brand is mines  
Rating: R  
Content: Language & Smoking   
Characters: (Main characters) Rey Mysterio, Edge, Chavo, Eddy, Benoit, RVD, Team Angle, Kidman, Undertaker, Konnan, Stone Cold, Stephanie, Shane & Vince McMahon, Booker T & Sean O'Haire  
Note: Edge's neck is never hurt in this story  
********************************  
"I need a smoke." Rey thought as he walked into the empty office of Stephanie McMahon. Happy that the boss was out, Rey pulled out a small silver and blue box of cigarettes. He giggled with joy while pulling out the white cancer stick and put it between his lips. He stuffed the box back in his back pocket. Rey reached into his front right pocket and pulled out silver lighter with his mask logo on it. He pushed the button of it and the flame came out.  
  
He moved it closer to the end of the cigarette and lit it up. Rey put the lighter back in his pocket and puffed away on the cigarette. He removed the stick away with his fingers and blew out the smoke. Enjoying the smell and taste, Rey sat back on the desk and sighed. It had been one year and two days(Gundam Wing) since he had his last smoke.  
  
Tygress made him stopped smoking because she thought it was disgusting and he quit just for her. Rey looked at the burning cigarette and grinned at it. "I miss you." he told it. He took a few more puffs of it, until he heard footsteps.  
  
"Thanks, Funaki. I'll take a look at this as soon I get home." said Stephanie, outside her door with the DVD of the anime, Utena: The Black Rose Saga Vol. 1 in her right hand. Rey's eyes bugged out and he gasped. He started to run around the room as Stephanie continued to talk to Funaki.  
  
"Hide the cigarette. Hide the cigarette. Gotta hide it." his mind screamed. He looked at the trashcan and shrugged his shoulders. He toss it in the small black can with papers. Rey watched on as a small flame starts. The door opened finally, Rey stepped in front of the trash can with a fake smile and Stephanie entered.  
  
"Hi Rey."  
  
Rey started to sweat, but he kept that smile. "Hey."  
  
"Anything you want?" she asked, putting the DVD in her bag. Rey shook his head.  
  
"Nope! I was just walking in the halls and figure I just come in here." he lied. Stephanie cocked an eyebrow. She could smell a lie from a mile away. That and something was burning in the room.  
  
"Rey?"  
  
"Yes, Stephanie?"  
  
Stephanie put on a sweet smile before continuing. "Do you smell something burning here?" Rey started to panic.  
  
"No." he said. Seeing smoke, Stephanie moved away to see what was behind the short man. Rey quickly got in the way with a smile. She try again, but Rey was in the way again.  
  
"Is that FIRE I see?!" demanded Stephanie. Rey looked behind and back at the beautiful boss.  
  
"...Maybe," he answered. He quickly picked up the trashcan. " I'll put it out." he said. He ran past her and down the hall. Stephanie leaned out the doorway.  
  
"Wait! You can just put it out with water in my bathroom!" she called out.  
  
"That's okay! I know a better way to put it out!" responded Rey. Stephanie shook her head in shame and shut the door.  
  
"That boy ain't right."  
***************  
Benoit napped in his room as Edge read the paper. Benoit like Edge. He was quiet and not a fool, unlike his other tag team partner that will remain nameless.*coughKurtAnglecough* Life was good to him at last.  
  
"EEEEEDDDDDGGGGGGEEEE!!!!!!" screamed someone while running down the hall. Edge fell out of his chair, pages floating in the air. Benoit jumped up in fear, then he fell off the couch with a thud. Benoit sat up on the floor in disgust.  
  
"What the hell is going on?!" he cried out. Edge had swirling circles in his eyes as he lies there. Benoit sighed. Sometimes, he hates his life. Rey busted into the room and ran straight to the bathroom. "Mysterio! Have you lost your masked mind?!?" Rey closed the door, then reopened it and popped his head out.  
  
"...Maybe." he replied, then he shut the door. Benoit shook his fist at the door and snarled at Edge, who finally woke up and sat up.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"That midget friend of yours is here with a flaming trash can!"  
  
"Which midget? I mean, I'm one of the tallest guys here. Everyone is a midget to me..."  
  
"MYSTERIO!!"  
  
Rey opened the door and popped out his head. "Yes?"  
  
"I wasn't calling for you! I was talking to Edge about you!"  
  
"Oh!" Shut the door. Reopened the door."Hey Edge."  
  
"Hey Rey!"  
  
Rey closed the door. Benoit looked like he was going to cry. He was surrounded by morons and he was going to be one soon. He sniffed the air and made a sour look. "Do I smell cigarette smoke?"  
  
Edge sniffed the air and made the same look. "Yeah." They looked at the door, at each other, at the door and back at each other. Edge softly knocked on the door. "Rey?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why we can smell cigarette smoke in there?"  
  
"...I don't know."  
  
"Rey?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You didn't answer the question."  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
"No, you didn't."  
  
"....I farted. My farts smell like smokes."  
  
Both Canadians dropped their jaws. Benoit recovered, then start to bang on the door.  
  
"Damnit, Mysterio! Stop playing with us! Get out here!" he ordered. He stopped the banging, until Rey stepped out with the melted trashcan. He handed it to Benoit.  
  
"This is Steph's. I didn't do nothing," he claimed. Rey jogged to the door and turned to the Canadians. "You didn't see anything." On that last note, Rey whispered and walk out.  
  
"That boy ain't right." Benoit commented. Edge shrugged his shoulders.   
*****************  
**Next day**  
Rey smiled as he blew out the smoke from his lips. He and Billy Kidman stood outside of the arena, away from the fans.  
  
"I thought you quit smoking."  
  
"So did I."  
  
"Why are you doing this?"  
  
"Bored."  
  
Billy sighed. His little buddy was smoking again and he hated it too. He and Tygress hid the cancer sticks from Rey and Konnan. He thought it was funny when the guys broke down in tears after seeing Disco was smoking it all up. If he remembered, he has the scene on tape. Good ole video camera. "I talked to Konnan yesterday." Rey looked up with the cigarette barely on his lower lip.  
  
"Sweet. Tell him I say Hi." said Rey. Billy smirked at him.  
  
"You can tell him that yourself. He's signed."  
  
The cigarette dropped from Rey's lips. Rey blinked two times "What?"  
  
"Konnan."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Konnan is signed."  
  
"What?"  
  
"To here."  
  
"What?"  
  
"To Smackdown!."  
  
Rey just stood there, then he did a back flip. He ran around the parking lot, cheering. "K-Dawg is back! K-Dawg is back!" he screamed. Billy laughed at his little buddy. Maybe Konnan can help him quit smoking again...yeah right.  
  
TBC? 


	2. Konnan Returns

Title: Konnan Returns  
Author: Sailor Billion Dollar Princess  
Distribution: Ask me first  
Disclaimer: I don't crap. Only the cigarette brand is mines  
Rating: R  
Content: Language & Smoking   
Characters: (Main characters) Rey Mysterio, Edge, Chavo, Eddy, Benoit, RVD, Team Angle, Kidman, Undertaker, Konnan, Stone Cold, Stephanie, Shane & Vince McMahon, Booker T & Sean O'Haire  
Note: Edge's neck is never hurt in this story  
*** *** *** *** *** ***  
Rey light another cigarette in the locker room as he searched for something to wear back to the hotel room since Smackdown! ended. Wearing a towel over his waist, Rey didn't care it was falling out as long he had his cigarette between his lips. Without his knowing, Sean O'Haire entered the room. "Yo." he greeted. Rey turned around and smiled. He took the stick out of his mouth and blew the smoke out with his mouth.  
  
"Hey." he said, then he put the cigarette back and turned his body around to face Sean. Sean sniffed the air and licked his lips like a shark smelling blood. It been awhile since he had a cigarette.  
  
"Is that Chibi (my made-up brand of smokes ^_^;)?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Sean started to smirked at his co-worker, walking slowly towards him, holding his hands out like the scent of the cigarette took control over his body. Rey shrinked away as the much taller man got too close to him for comfort. "May I have one?" Rey takes out the packet and held it his chest.  
  
"No, go way." he told him in a small voice.  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I'll be your friend."  
  
"...No."  
  
"Why you little...Give me the damn cigarette! You know you want to."  
  
Rey took out his own cigarette from his mouth and dumped the ashes in the nearby tray, then crushed the butt in the tray. "I don't think so. I know what I want to do." replied Rey, pulling out the sixth cigarette of the day. Sean pouted, but quickly smiled when an idea formed in his head.  
  
"I'll tell Stephanie you're smoking."  
  
That stopped Rey from lighting up. He looked up in horror at his rival of the moment. "You wouldn't dare." he hissed.  
  
"Yeah, I would," answered back Sean. He held out his hand. "Now, be a good kid and let me have it." he commanded. Defeated, Rey held out the pack for Sean. Sean pulled out his own stick and placed it between his lips, then grabbed Rey's lighter and light the end. Rey growled as Sean enjoy his smoke and victory.  
  
"Wait until Konnan comes to Smackdown!, Sean. He'll kill you for this." threathen Rey. Sean shrugged his shoulders, grinning at his 'friend'.  
  
"Whatever. See ya later." Sean said, walking away from him. Rey sighed to himself, cursing and taking notes for Sean's death. He finally got dressed and headed for the door...only to have it slap him in the face.  
  
"REY!!" cheered Kidman with a huge smile on his face, holding up a tape in his face. He looked around, confused. "Rey? Where are you? I wanted to show you something." he told the air.  
  
"I'm behind the damn door, you motherfuc..."  
  
Kidman entered the room and move the door away from Rey. "There you are." Rey held his nose as he scowled at him.  
  
"What do you want, Kidman?" Rey demanded, wiping blood from his face. Kidman held up the tape to Rey's face.  
  
"I found a tape about us in WCW, us smoking on a beach and drinking beer." explained Kidman, shaking the tape in front of Rey. Rey's color drained as he remembered that night. His butt was sore after that night. He wanted to kill Konnan for playing drums on his bare butt.  
  
"Damn you, Kidman and your video camera! If the guys was raping me, you would have that on tape, would you!!?" snapped Rey, shaking his fist in Kidman's face. KIdman thought about it for a few minutes with a snarling Rey staring up at him.  
  
"If I had a tape with some time left at the end." he responded. Rey opened his mouth to tell him where he can do with the camera, but failed. He hung his head in shame.  
  
"You should be shot. I want to shoot you and beat you in the head with a breadstick." Rey muttered, with his head still down. Kidman pitched his cheek(the one on his face!!).  
  
"I love you too." Kidman told him in Spanish. He grabbed Rey by the arm and they went to the hotel to view all the Filthy Animals greatest hits.  
~*~*~*~  
A week later  
~*~*~*~  
Rey started to enjoy waking up in the morning in his house, with a cigarette in his mouth. Feeling free and happy, he decided to walk around nude for the whole day. He got the right to be happy. Stephanie gave her stars a week off for working hard and not killing each other during one of the meetings. He put in a CD and pressed 'Play', then turned it up as high it can go.   
  
Christian Aguilera's 'Genie In A Bottle' played all over the house with a belly dancing nude Rey (A/N: The author would like to take this time to drool like Homer Simpson as she can picture this image...*Two hours later* Okay, let's get back to the story). "Oh happy days are here again!" he sang, giggling like a happy chibi. Beside being naked and smoking, Rey got everything done while he got the time alone, enjoying his free time and got another cigarette 'in honor of Stephanie's decision to let everyone go home'. He was so into his smoking and dancing, he barely heard the doorbell.  
  
"Coming!!" he yelled, skipping to the door, forgotting he was STILL naked(A/N: Drool time...starting now! *Three hours later* Okay).   
  
"It was nice of you to invite Rey to the BBQ. He shouldn't be alone while we're home."  
  
"Si! He's a good little guy. We been through some wild shit even before WCW."  
  
The first speaker saw a car he wanted driving down the street. In a flash, he took off to steal it. The second looked at him with pride. Rey finally opened the door. "Hey Eddy. What's up, dawg?" asked Rey. Eddy turned back to talk to Rey, never noticing Rey's nudeness.  
  
"Hey Rey! I was...wondering if you... if you...oh my damn!" shouted Eddy, pointing at the object after getting that something is VERY wrong. Rey moved his head to the right, blinking once.  
  
"What?" Rey asked, puzzled. He looked down and screamed in a girl voice. Soon, Eddy joined in the screaming, still pointing and Rey was too in shock to shut the door. Chavo came back to the door, panting and sweating. He didn't noticing the screaming and a nude tiny man in front of him. He finally looked at Eddy with the same puzzled look.  
  
"What is it, Uncle?" Chavo asked, stripping off his very wet and tight shirt off(A/N: I'm so sorry! I have to drool again! I want some Mexican now. *licks lips and drooling*). Eddy shook his finger at Rey, who is still screaming and not closing the door. Chavo took a look at Rey and he FINALLY got it. His screaming mixed with the others. All three screamed for some time, until Rey slammed the door.  
  
"Oh my God." Rey whispered. " I need a smoke." he claimed, running to his pack. Meanwhile, Eddy and Chavo just stood there, blinking. Eddy put his arm in front of Chavo, making the younger man to slowly back away from the door with Eddy repeating the action.  
  
"We didn't see anything."  
  
"Yes, we did! We saw Essa's.."  
  
"NO, WE DIDN'T!! IF I SAY WE DIDN'T, THEN WE DIDN'T!!"  
  
"....Okay..."  
  
The two men ran into their car and drove away.  
  
"Is it normal that my eyes are burning now? questioned Chavo.  
  
Eddy just drove, his knuckles turning white from the tight squezze on the steeling wheel. "I believe so. My eyes are too."  
~*~*~*~  
After the week  
~*~*~*~  
After the week of no work, the superstars returned, refresh and ready to go. Since the screaming and being naked in front of two of his co-workers, Rey kept his clothes on and smoke even more during his time off as Eddy and Chavo cried themselves to sleep each night. As Rey pass them in the hall, he could feel their eyes on him. Rey looked back at them, giving them the peace sign with a big grin and ran to his dressing room while the uncle and nephew team just stood there. Chavo cleared his throat.  
  
"I can't believe that he shaves down there."  
  
Eddy nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and the fact he's hung like a horse." At that statement, Brock was walking to the table that sat beside them as he hummed a tune, but quickly walk away still humming.  
  
*Later*  
Konnan was done put on some of his aftershave in the bathroom, humming his old Filthy Animals' theme song to himself. He heard the door to the dressing room, slamming. Follow with Spanish curses that made him blush, Konnan shook his head with a smirk on his face. He know that voice anywhere and he knew the short one is mad. Konnan cracked open the door to see what Rey was doing. With such luck, Rey had his back to him, taking out his wrestling gear. Still smirking, Konnan exit out the bathroom and leaning against the closed door.  
  
"You have such a dirty mouth, but that's one of things I love about you." commented Konnan, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for Rey's reply. Rey dropped the silver pants and turn to the sound of the voice with his jaw hanging open. When he finally saw the bigger wrestler, he had one thing to say.  
  
"KKKKOOOONNNAAAANNNN!!!" Rey cried out, running and jumping to his best friend with opened arms. Konnan opened his own arms, laughing at the tiny man as he sailed across the room. When their bodies touched, they hugged tightly each other. Cherry Blossoms petals started to flow around them. Both men looked at each other with happy smiles on their faces.  
  
"Rey-Rey, I missed you." said Konnan, but he didn't open his mouth(A/N: I watch too much anime).  
  
"I missed you, too." said Rey doing the same thing. Rey stood on his toes as Konnan held him in his arms. He brushed his fingertips aganist Rey's cheek. Both men's faces grew closer to each other, ready to kiss.  
*^*^*^*^*^*  
"WAIT!!" screamed Sailor Billion Dollar Princess, walking onto the set. Both men broke away and looked at the short author.  
  
"What is it?" asked Konnan, putting his hands on his hips and Rey sighed, then he walk off to grab an apple.  
  
"This ain't a slash series. I want at least ONE story where Rey is straight." she explained.  
  
"I'm straight?!?" questioned Rey. Sailor Billion Dollar Princess sighed, putting her hand on her forehead.  
  
"Yes, you are straight." she told him.  
  
"But," pointed out Konnan."In that 'Mysterio's Hell', he's straight. So, that's one." he finished. Sailor Billion Dollar Princess snapped her fingers, remembering what he just say.  
  
"Damn! That's right!" she said.'But, I want this one to be straight too."  
  
"Damnit!!" cried out Rey and Konnan, frowning at her. Sailor Billion Dollar Princess opened a box of pocky as she walk off the set and sat down.   
  
"Action!" she called out.  
*^*^*^*^*^*  
They broke away, blushing. Rey looked at the floor, stealing a glace at his friend. "So, what's your storyline?"  
  
"Matt and Shannon is beating the crap out of you and I save you."  
  
"That's sweet."  
  
Rey took out his packet of Chibi. Konnan started to drool as he watch Rey took out the cancer stick and light it up. Tears fell down his face as Rey exhaled the smoke through the nose. Without a word, Konnan picked Rey up in a bearhug. "I'm so happy! You finally return back to the smoking side!" he cheered. Rey laughed while trying to break free.  
  
"Yes, I have. Can you let me go? I can't breath." he pleaded. Konnan let him go, patting him the bed.  
  
"I'm sorry." he said. He stole the one from Rey's mouth and put it in his own mouth.  
  
"I hope you didn't do anything stupid while I'm gone, right?"  
  
Rey swallowed hard. "I refuse to answer that."  
  
TBC?  
  
Poor Eddy and Chavo. You know I love those guys since I done horrorible things to them. Take a look at 'Hosptial Trip' if you haven't.  
  
Chavo: NO!! Don't!!  
  
Eddy: You're be ruin for life!!  
  
*Both men is carry away, kicking and screaming their protest* 


End file.
